In the quiet

Tuesday, January 24, 1939

24th Day–341 Days to Follow

 

Mrs. Nicholls & Mrs. Drorbaugh came. Mary came home at noon.

I called on Mrs. Heart and Mrs. Grimes.

 

– – – – – + – – – – – + – – – – – + – – – – –

 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Today was reserved for quiet, though I didn’t explicitly set out for it to be so. I woke early when my roommate came home from Canada, stopping here to drop off the dog and get ready for work. Hearing the lock turn over and the door open always stirs up a lot of anxiety in me, and I can’t ever seem to settle back into sleep until she is gone again, off down the road. But even then, today, I was awake for hours in this altered state of anxious thought before finally resting again, however briefly. So the morning was pretty much shot, and it leaves me thinking that I need to find a better way to handle these mornings.

 

Later we reconnected over sushi up the highway, but she turned in early after a long morning of travel and then work. And I’m sitting in the quiet, not really sure what to do with myself. Tomorrow will be better, or, at least, I have more things planned to occupy my time. But the reality is that this awkward holding pattern is unsustainable, though I can’t even imagine what is next.

I miss the friend stopping by, the taps on my window on Saturday mornings that turned into entire weekend adventures. Mourning relationships I didn’t even have, not like that, anyway. Feeling lonely and stuck and vulnerable and managed… Hoping sleep will help.

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